Navigating the Holidays When It’s Hard
The Holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, family gatherings, and celebration. However, for many, it’s a time that brings up feelings of isolation, sadness, or even detachment. The expectations of cheer can feel overwhelming, especially when your navigating personal struggles, loss, or trauma. For those who feel disengaged during the holidays, the desire to create meaningful experiences for their loved ones, especially children can weigh heavily on their hearts.
This time of year, I find myself wrestling with the same emotions: I want to make the season special for my girls, yet I feel disconnected and unsure how to truly engage. I can cook the meals, decorate the house, and follow the traditions, but there’s a lingering emptiness inside. Part of me feels detached from the joy that seems to come so naturally to others. It’s as though I’m just going through the motions, but something is missing. I can’t help but wonder how this might affect my relationship with my daughters and other personal relationships I might encounter in the future.
The Struggle of Disengagement During the Holidays
Holidays can be especially hard when you’re experiencing a personal loss, facing unresolved trauma, or when the people you thought cared for you have betrayed your trust. These emotional wounds don’t always fit neatly into the festive atmosphere around us. The absence of loved ones, whether through death, distance, or the unraveling of relationships can make everything feel hollow. The empty chairs at the table, the traditions that once felt full of meaning, now seem to remind you of what’s missing.
In those moments of isolation, it’s easy to feel as though you’re failing others especially your children. As a parent, you want to create beautiful memories, but how do you do that when you’re not feeling the spirit of the season yourself? How do you maintain the energy and joy required to make the holidays meaningful when you’re struggling internally? It’s a question that weighs on me every year.
I often wonder: will my disengagement affect how my daughters view the holiday season in the future? Will they remember me as someone who struggled to make the holidays magical, or will they remember me for the moments I didengage, despite everything going on inside me?
The Power of Empowerment and Gratitude in Times of Struggle
Even in the midst of pain, there are ways to show up for yourself and your loved ones. Empowerment during the holidays doesn’t mean pretending to feel joy when you don’t it simply means acknowledging your emotions and finding ways to take back your power, even when circumstances feel overwhelming.
One of the most transformative ways to stay connected to the spirit of Thanksgiving is through prayer and gratitude. It might seem simple but practicing gratitude and taking time out to talk to God can change the entire narrative of your holiday season. Gratitude doesn’t have to be reserved for the big things; it’s about finding something, no matter how small, to be thankful for and honoring God for those moments. By doing so, you invite His peace into your heart and help reframe your perspective, allowing you to experience the season with a deeper sense of meaning.
For example, this year, instead of focusing on everything I’m missing, I’ve started focusing on the moments that feel good, however fleeting they might be. The warmth of my daughters’ laughter, a phone call with a friend who understands, my quite conversations with God, the smell of my Nani’s famous Gumbo 🙂 It’s these small moments that I can lean into to keep me grounded.
Gratitude, even when it feels hard to find, has a powerful way of shifting your perspective. It invites you to reframe the narrative of “this holiday is painful” into “this holiday is challenging, but I have strength to get through it.” And through this shift, I believe we can empower ourselves to create new traditions that are meaningful in their own way, even if they’re not what we once envisioned.
How Disengagement Can Be a Path to Healing
I’ve come to realize that disengagement doesn’t have to be permanent, nor does it define me as a person. In fact, it can be part of the healing process. It’s okay to step back from the pressure of “perfect” holidays and simply be. By allowing myself the space to feel what I’m feeling, I’m showing my daughters that it’s okay to honor their emotions and not force joy when it doesn’t come naturally.
Sometimes, healing means taking things slower, giving yourself grace, and allowing yourself the freedom to engage with the holidays in a way that aligns with your emotional state. This might mean scaling down certain traditions, opting for a quieter celebration, or even just being present without the need for grand gestures. Healing isn’t linear, and neither is the way we celebrate.
How Thanksgiving and Empowerment Help Us Through the Holiday Season
During the holiday season, empowering ourselves means finding ways to embrace the difficult parts of our experiences without letting them define us. It’s about accepting that while the pain of loss and trauma might still linger, we can still find ways to be grateful for the love we have, the resilience we’ve cultivated, and the small victories along the way.
For me, Thanksgiving has become a time to reflect not only on the joys in my life but also on the strength I’ve gained through adversity. It’s a reminder that even when things aren’t “perfect,” there is always something to be thankful for. I’ve learned to celebrate what truly matters: God, connection, health, and love. It’s also a time to release the pressure of trying to meet what I think others’ expectations are of what the season should look like. By focusing on these core blessings, I find peace and gratitude, no matter what challenges the year has brought.
In the end, gratitude doesn’t erase pain, but it can provide a powerful framework for healing. It helps us focus on what we have, rather than what’s missing, and empowers us to move forward with grace, even on the toughest days.
Moving Forward with Empowerment As we navigate this holiday season, remember that it’s okay to not feel “festive.” It’s okay to struggle and to feel disconnected. What matters is that you keep showing up for yourself, for your loved ones, and for the moments of gratitude, no matter how small.
Empowerment isn’t about always being joyful. it’s about acknowledging your emotions, giving yourself permission to grieve, and finding ways to create meaningful moments in the midst of it all. In the end, people will remember the love you gave them, the brave spaces you created, and the resilience you modeled. And that, in its own way, is the most powerful gift you can give them this season.
With Love
~EMaree~